My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
