Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
