I am midnight drunk by noon
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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