I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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