OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
