I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
