I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
