today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
