Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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