I faked an abortion last night.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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