So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
