I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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