He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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