I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
