Do you still have your period?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
