but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
