i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
