you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
