like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you had me at cake vodka
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
