she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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