where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
