1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
