I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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