meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
