What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
