I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
