I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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