You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
