After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
