I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
