Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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