Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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