Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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