just come out here and I will go home with you...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
