JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
