It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
