We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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