I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
