There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
