I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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