woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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