We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just gift wrapped bread.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
