Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
