I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
