ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
