hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
