you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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