I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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