none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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