I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
