There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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