I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
