I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
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I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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