Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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