So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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