i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
