Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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