this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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