Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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