Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I still have a little drunk in my system
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
