Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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