Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
