I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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