Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
