i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
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Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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