I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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