Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
