Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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