Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
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it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
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I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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