I wish my penis had an off switch
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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