if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
