don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize