how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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