so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
