I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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