Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
